Seek rejection to reframe rejection.
Do it in small ways. And, do it consistently.
This is a skill that I am building.
Yes. It is a skill. Though it may not sound like one.
The skill is indifference.
Indifference – lack of concern or interest in the opinions or judgments of others.
Yesterday, I was in Chicago, and trying to find a place to stay for this summer, I was visiting some places
But, I was unsure of the leasing options in Chicago. So, I started asking DePaul students on housing recs.
Who else would know it better than people living there?
But, to ask it feels very awkward. Extremely uncomfortable.
Who wants to pester another busy person?
But, then I did, I asked 1. No good.
Another, no good.
From them I learned that people living on campus would not know about on-campus housing. Simple, but I did not think about that.
The third person was in a rush, but I introduced myself and started walking with him. It took none of his time. But, it turns out that he and his roommates had a place.
On top of that, he was a finance student. And, he wanted to know more about the classes I teach. And, he had friends that were interested.
While the timing on his housing didn’t work out, a simple ask gave me directionality on where to look and may have won me a couple sales down the road through his network.
It was a risk free ask. A random stranger. But, out of four conversations. It turned out to be very helpful.
And, helpful in a way that I did not originally expect.
That is the key. When you ask you may not always hear what you want or expect.
That is not bad. It can actually be great.
So, what’s the goal?
The goal is to make decisions irrespective of what others think. Friends. Family. Bosses.
It’s actually pretty selfish.
Yet, we find it very difficult to do.
We are doing something for us. Completely for ourselves. But, in doing so, we get nervous.
The worst part – we often are worried about complete strangers.
If we can’t practice indifference around strangers…
Then, how can we do it with friends?
Wow, seems impossible.
So, it’s the small steps that count here.
We should start by seeking rejection in public.
What does this mean? Just start asking acquaintances things that you feel uncomfortable asking but would benefit from.
Remember, asking is asymmetric.
You cannot lose in most cases. You can only gain the knowledge of the response.
If the response is what you wanted. Great!
But, most times that’s not the case.
I used to take that as a loss.
But, now, I take it as a small win in the process. A win of directionality.
The rejection actually can get you closer to the answer.
That was exactly my experience.
Hopefully, you can join me in the quest to make rejection less painful.
